Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
