So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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