The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
