Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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