I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
