ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
