ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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