Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
