my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
