i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
