So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this will be a night to untag.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
