I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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