I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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