Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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