Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
