walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
