The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
