did you get engaged???
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
