I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
