Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
