whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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