my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
