Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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