I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
