Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
