Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im holly from the hills drunk
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
