Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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