only if we run a train.
done.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
