We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
