yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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