i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
