I think I won the penis lottery.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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