Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
