The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
did you just send me my own nude
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
