She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
