I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
