Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
