So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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