I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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