I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
