is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
