How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
