U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
