the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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