I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize