I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
