It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
