Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
