You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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