i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
