Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
