I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
