wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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