I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
