went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i think my cat just said my name.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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