So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
