never play flip cup with pint glasses
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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