After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
