this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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