I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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