He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
