last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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