every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
