Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
