Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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