we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
