we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
