Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
