thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
