You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
