how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
