It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
