Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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