He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
