If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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