so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
