i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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