So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
