Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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