i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
