How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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